*sigh*


Ever been to one of those special Home Depot "EXPO" centers? They have lots of bathroom and kitchen cabinet type stuff. I went to one tonight to "shop" the bathroom vanity stuff I need (I already have two alternate suppliers, but figured Home Depot EXPO was worth a shot).

RED FLAG #1.: The directions given to me by the BORG telephone recording were completely and totally WRONG. I drove around in circles in New Rochelle, NY for about half an hour...

Now, naturally, you would THINK that someone like ME would have everything all figured out, complete with getting together all the part numbers of EXACTLY what I want right off the internet, right? So I SHOULD be able to just execute a priority interrupt, and breeze through this whole ordeal with minimal anxiety, right?

I go into this HUGE store. There are maybe FOUR humans working there. I hunt around for the stuff I need (I know they are a distributor because naturally I called the factory and checked today). I find a few pieces that are CLOSE, but not exact to what I need.

I execute a priority interrupt, and manage to flag down a human.

HUMAN #1: Strasser? We carry that? They make cabinets? I've never heard of that company before, but I work in "kitchens."

ME: Well, I found an area in this HUGE store that has their units, but not exactly the ones I'm looking for. Can we call it up on the computer? Is there a BOOK around with the prices? I have the PART NUMBERS of EXACTLY what I need, so it'll be easy.

HUMAN #1: Um... Well, you know, I've never heard of that company before. I work in "kitchens." Why don't YOU look around for the book, and I'll see if I can find HUMAN #2..

So I hunt around for the friggin' book in THEIR store for what seems like an eternity until HUMAN #2 shows up. HUMAN #2 is female, tall, thin as a rail, dressed all in black with a gold name tag. She has this "Don't even THINK about trying to get into my vagina" aura about her. I figure she's around her early 50's or so, and most likely divorced, to be working in this stupid store.

I execute another priority interrupt.

ME: Hi ! Maybe YOU can help me. I've already done all the research on the internet, and know EXACTLY what I need. I'd like some prices on these part numbers....

HUMAN #2: How big is the vanity?

ME: Well, I'd like it in Strasser's "Ultraline White." I need vanity #7036W with the sink on the LEFT hand side, drawer bank #7018W, and linen upper #7100W. White porcelain knobs will be fine, as I'll probably change them anyway. So if we could...

HUMAN #2: How big is the vanity?

ME: What? Um... (flustered, looking at my paper) 36".

HUMAN #2: We have those in stock. Come with me.

ME: Um, and you see I need these other...

HUMAN #2 walks away while I'm talking.

I catch up with HUMAN #2 (HUMAN #1 has been tagging along the whole time, and has been curiously silent. He works in "kitchens."). She takes me to the SAME part of the store I was at when I first came in. It has SIMILAR cabinets, but not exactly what I'm looking for. That's why we need the BOOK, I keep on trying to tell these people.

HUMAN #2 looks inside the INCORRECT cabinet and very curtly in her "Don't even THINK about trying to get into my vagina" voice, gives me a price on the WRONG unit. Again she says dryly (like her vagina, no doubt..), "We have these in stock."

I yelled "STOP!!" , and me and my part numbers turned around and left the store, NEVER to return again. EVER.

As much as I tried to drop these people down to the "$" prompt, they were all stuck in some really really buggy subroutine.

I tend to have a pretty cool head these days, but enough was enough.

"Well he keeps fainting...and he's dizzy all the time..."

  Roadtripguy (who is rolling quarters and mixing up poison applesauce now...)